The certainty of a mission

I followed my passion

It was kind of a weird feeling. The first time that I went down a waterslide. I decided that I would try the fastest one first. Pretty bad decision, but it makes for a good story now. I hoped that I would feel the all consuming tension that everyone always talks about. I saw it being present in the eyes of people who went before me. I saw it in my father’s posture when he knew he was going to be next. 

I closed my eyes and tried so hard to feel that feeling,  but it just didn't appear. I felt my stomach tingle a little because of the weightless experience, but that was it. There was no uncertainty or tenseness to be found in my body. It was just me, gravity and some water. When I splashed down in the pool, obviously I was disappointed. I looked up and saw my  dad wave at me. Happy that I had made it out alright. As if there were so many accidents that happened at a water park. If you want to protect your child from danger you  should never let it get in a car. But nobody thinks about that. Cars are just a part of life. But God forbid a child should go down a slide the wrong way.

I swam out of the way and watched my dad as he came sliding down too. He splashed the water extra hard next to me and came up while sputtering. He was exaggerating to impress me. And  to show me how dangerous it could be. How easy it would be to just drown in a kiddy pool. It was the first time I experienced what I would later recognize to be my passion.The thing I would find out to be my drive in life. My North Star, my compass. I never wanted to be anything more in all my years, than I wanted to be a serial killer. 

And so that is what I became.

Now, don’t worry. I didn’t kill my dad. I wanted to be a serial killer, not a murderer. Besides, if I killed him there would most certainly be an investigation into me. And I wasn’t too fond of that idea so early in my career. I wanted first to learn the craft and get to know my way around the business for a couple years. Of course, when I was in that waterpark feeling what I now know to be my passion, I had no idea what it was. By then it was just a feeling. Granted, I was only eleven at the time, so still a bit young. 

I started experiencing the feeling more and more when I was about sixteen. I had just finished my secondary school and people were starting to annoy me more and more. I remembered feeling this drive in the waterpark and experiencing the same now. So like any self-respecting teenager, I just went with it. I started looking shit up on the internet and following people around. It was all good fun, but I couldn’t wait until I would make my first official kill.