Spring in London

In April of 2024 I found myself in London. I came over specifically to see some musicals. I’ve booked the tickets all the way back in 2021, but due to covid I never got to use them.

I’ve been to London twice before and have always loved it. At one point, I was even thinking of moving here. Just booking a flight without really knowing where I would land. That was about three to four years ago. I thought London would always feel the same to me. That I would always feel the urge to stay longer and more.

But this time was different. This time I didn’t feel the lingering anticipation of what could happen in this big city. I wasn’t looking forward to exploring. It felt more like a chore. I made it a little more exciting by booking a ferry and arranging things so that I could work in the London office. But still, it wasn’t the same.

My first day in England was spent in Harwich, a very small, very cute little harbour town. I drank coffee in the only cafe I could find and listened to three older guys talk about their families, grandchildren and ailments. I sat on the beach and watched the waves roll in. The rest of the day I walked along the coast. I was completely at peace. 

But when I came to London, all that serenity was gone in a heartbeat. I was constantly making sure my phone was still in my pocket and my bag was on my shoulder. At any point in time there were multiple people walking past, in front or behind me. Cars, buses and bikes were rushing through the streets and every 5 minutes you hear a claxon of a disgruntled driver or a siren. It’s not even uncommon to hear people scream. I was immediately overstimulated. 

The allure I once felt for this magnificent crowded city was nowhere to be found. I looked at the countless windows in the big buildings and wondered how many people would be cramped behind them. How well could they hear their neighbours everyday. How shitty would their landlord be and how much would they have to pay each month, just to be in the middle of it all?

Back home I live in a city too. And there is life and bustle there as well, people walking by, cars driving and on the weekends the youngsters pass by our window, on their way to the next party. But all that noise is nothing compared to London. Haarlem is already often too much for me. London was worse. 

After the initial shock of the crowds, I’ve settled down a bit. I can still find some serenity, even if I am in one of the biggest cities on the planet. I found parks that are hidden between skyscrapers and lay down on the grass. I go to small café’s, where I can watch people pass by from my safe little corner. At night I put on a nice outfit and make my way to the theatre, the whole reason I came to London in the first place. But afterwards I don’t feel like participating in the nightlife. The people who watch me walk by are making me uncomfortable, the laughter that comes from bars doesn’t allure me. So I just walk home and look at all the groups of people getting ready for a late night. They seem so happy and so full of life. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman alone in a big city and my safety is a priority, but I never used to feel unsafe before.

It’s becoming more and more obvious that my phase of big city travel destinations is over. I want silence, I want to see the trees and the ocean, drink coffee and be impressed by the size of the cup you get for €2,50. I want to get sauces with my food for free. I want to look at the people walking by, and I want to see them. Really see them. I want to actually hear their conversations as they sit down next to me. 

I want to be able to cross the street without looking because there is no car anywhere in sight. No, even better. I don’t want there to be streets at all. Just endless acres of trees, plants and wildlife. Yes, I’m fairly certain that London isn’t the place for me right now. Nevertheless, the musicals were incredible.